


can i hold on for another night (what do we do with all this time)

by jiusngs



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, Confessions, Feelings, M/M, Unrequited, Unrequited Crush, because he's leaving, poor baby just wants to get it off of his chest, renjun confesses
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-09
Updated: 2019-08-09
Packaged: 2020-08-13 18:14:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 664
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20178586
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jiusngs/pseuds/jiusngs
Summary: renjun thinks that maybe the smiles he receives from jaemin mean something a little bit more.





	can i hold on for another night (what do we do with all this time)

“Jaemin,” Renjun started, his grip on the other’s wrist waning as he let his fingers grace over smooth skin; skin adorned with specks of beauty spots and a metal ring wrapped around it, cold as it pressed against the edge of his fingertips.

Whatever it was he was trying to say, it wasn’t easy. The boy cast his eyes downward, old, worn-through sneakers being eyed as they stood on the gravel. He mentally traced over the badly drawn shapes that garnished the shoes in all colours of the rainbow; smiley faces, stars and words worked their way all around them, each in the penmanship of one of his best friends. His eyes became glued to one in particular; along the curve of the tip of the shoe, in blue ink, stood the words:

**don’t forget about me**

Lustrous nights filled with the echoes of laughter, the rush of adrenaline and the feel of the heat that had hugged them close wove their way into his already-clouded mind, no matter how badly he wanted the memories to be suppressed.**  
** He let them flash through his head for a second longer; evenings spent out when they were supposed to be in, the music playing through his phone’s speaker being shared as their high.  
He let the temperate colours of the sunset diminishing behind the water dance about, but for only an instant before shaking his head and ridding himself of all reminiscences.

Instead, he made space for new memories that he’d _have_ to make. In just over three months, he’d have to put everything behind him, he’d have to be okay with losing contact with most of the people here.**  
** He didn't think he was ready for that.  
But it couldn’t be helped. Soon, he’d be on a flight, soaring too high to be seen, clouds finally seeping out of his mind and into the air that’d be surrounding him.

The other called out his name, shifted Renjun’s hold from his wrist to his hand, and brought it into a comforting squeeze. His focus was regained, eyes now fixated on the ones that stared back at him; the eyes that simply handed out an invitation of welcome, allowing you to see everything with just a quick look in their direction. He found himself becoming lost in them as he often did, the pupils growing into large whirlpools that begged to drag him under with each passing second. He blinked, freeing himself of the current.**  
** He couldn’t do it. He couldn’t do it because he was afraid: afraid that it wouldn’t be reciprocated, afraid that _he_ would do nothing about Renjun’s feelings because all they had was three months. Eventually, three months would turn into one until everything dwindled.  
And this was exactly the reason why he _should_ say what he needed to say, because shoving it all down into a jar and keeping it locked up with him as he left, knowing full well he’d not be coming back, would just cause greater heartache—and heartache was not something he wanted to be dealing with even further.

Renjun breathed in the fresh, warm air, and for a moment, he thought everything was going to be okay.

“Jaemin,” he repeated, “I like you. And before you say you like me too, I mean it as in… as in more than you think.” He stumbled over his words, finding it increasingly hard to maintain eye contact. “I _like_ you.”

The loosened grip of Jaemin’s hand in his own should have been the first sign, the smile disappearing from his face should have been the second, but Renjun was a blind boy in search of the light, and the light was the sun, but it was night. _His_ light was the boy standing in front of him and even his glow seemed to falter. Because Jaemin gave him that look: that look of pity Renjun had been so strenuously avoiding.

  
And he realised he’d been afraid for good reason.

**Author's Note:**

> this was actually a fic i wrote to practice my writing a while ago, but i liked it enough to post it so haha wabam  
my [twitter](https://twitter.com/sungsies)


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